


My Memory Has A Second Sight

by callmedok



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Adoption, Gen, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Moving In Together, Moving On, Music, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Character Death, Reminiscing, Time Skips, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 08:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11917536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmedok/pseuds/callmedok
Summary: Nathan Conifers remembers his time with his husband Alex Peters, then the good and bad that occurred afterwards.Mostly good though, as well as some moments with their daughter Amanda.





	My Memory Has A Second Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the lyrics of Presto by Rush.

**1.**

Nathan meets Alex two years after college, when he's not really looking for anyone in the first place.

Craig had convinced him to meet up at a club for a few celebratory drinks, Craig finally got a job at the video place he'd been hoping for and was back with Smashley again. And there hasn't been enough time to catch up with Craig, see him in months, so of course Nathan agrees.

Then there's the friend of a friend who shows up, Alex, and maybe Nathan's a small bit smitten after he makes a pun. It gets everyone to groan, but Alex's smile is so beautiful and proud, Nathan offers him a high-five and respect.

He doesn't expect to spend the rest of the night more or less in Alex's orbit, talking puns and shitty jokes and the great big mysteries of the world.

Then a few days later he shows up outside the book shop Nathan's working in at the time with some coffee, and it's so rom-com but maybe that's where it all begins.

(Alex had been a photo developer then, when he wasn't taking night classes for engineering. He'd asked Craig and Smashley about the punk who likes puns and aliens, and went 'Fuck it, my next day off, I'll see him.')

**2.**

Alex introduces Nathan to Britpop, Nathan drags him into the world of Vertigo comics and...

It's like what Nathan had with Craig, minus being roommates and all the hang overs and fish stealing so in reality not much like his friendship with Craig at all.

(Not like he'll ever admit the metaphor fell flat.)

There's something good though, in the moments they share. Something like friends, but Nathan finds himself shuffling a bit closer whenever they sit next to each other. He doesn't mind as much when Alex steals fries from his plate, not like he does when one of his other buddies tries to take them. When they play pinball and Alex wins, Nathan's competitive streak is quieter than normal.

When Nathan's eyeballing the Misfits patch on his jacket contemplating on giving it to Alex, that's when he knows he's in love. He wouldn't surrender his Fiends Club patch just for anyone, but he'd give it to Alex without a second thought.

And that's kind of terrifying, kind of scary that it's only been a few months and already Nathan's thinking that way. It's almost like-

_(They'd been Bowie perfect, glitter glam to his punk rock, and it'd been so easy to talk to them, so easy to call them friend, and things went to shit-)_

It's almost like something in his past, but this time... it seems better. Like if he offered his Misfits patch, Alex would give him his Rush one.

The thought makes his heart beat faster, his hands shake a little, when Alex offers to listen to 2112 with him, a vinyl he picked up recently...

Nathan says yes.

**3.**

Nathan more or less comes out to Alex with comics as his shield, laying down hints here and there.

Hoping and faintly terrified of Alex's reaction, because it's one thing in comics it's a whole new ballgame when it comes to real life.

Nathan's not confident like Lord Fanny from the Invisibles, devil may care and sleek as fuck. A little like Wanda from Sandman maybe, hiding in comics as a kid and dreaming of the day they're recognized as their true self. Definitely like Rac Shade the Changing Man, trying to work the wrongness of his body into a better shape.

But they're his reference points, best back issues to slide over to Alex in the downtime, and Nathan adores them anyway from a story standpoint so it's not the hardest to share.

They listen to vinyl and cassettes every weekend, drinking soda, eating pizza and sharing comics. They switch between Alex's place and Nathan's, depending on who's roommate is gone first, and it's one of the time they're at Nathan's when he finally makes his move. See if there's anything there, potential for what could be.

(He's a grown-ass man, and fuck he's terrified right now.)

Summer's his excuse, why Nathan shucks off his Cure t- shirt leaving him in a tank top and his binder. He's already a big guy, soft and squishy and full of love he'd said cheekily ages back, so the extra layers help him hide what he needs to.

When Alex asks about the thick black straps under his tank top, he's honest even as his hands shake and his heart creeps up into his throat.

(And Alex treats him the same, they keep edging closer with every hang out, and there's hope.)

**4.**

Two years since they met, and Alex is the one to ask for a date.

A proper date at the movie theatre to see a rom-com, followed up by dinner at Waffle House. They've waxed philosophical at 3 AM here over plate of hash browns, nursed hangovers with pancakes and bacon grease, eaten here after going to local shows.

The first asshole to say it's not romantic as fuck, Nathan's kicking them in the knee.

It feels like an extension of their hang outs, but now Alex is holding his hand and Nathan wheels out his best puns to get Alex to laugh and it's like a weight's been lifted. Just a pair of cheeseballs hitting their stride, and sweet jesus this many dick jokes is probably illegal but they're laughing.

When they're splitting the tab, Nathan says "Next time's my choice, alright?" There's a little coffee place downtown with great donuts, a pretty decent open mic night, and he's been wanting to take Alex for ages.

"Yeah, sounds good," Alex says, smiling as he reaches over to take Nathan's hand, and if Nathan wasn't already smitten as a kitten with a mitten, he is now.

**5a.**

Nathan goes back to school to learn drafting, with some encouragement from Alex.

He's always loved making things, figuring out how things worked, and now he can see from the ground up how a building is made. The bones of rebar and concrete, the thickness of walls for insulation, how the environment affects what goes into it. It's almost an extension of his art degree that never really went anywhere, puts some of his perspective lessons to good use when he has to work with the pre-reqs. He still loves art, will for the rest of his life, but he wants to know more.

It's difficult going to school a second time for four more years, but he makes it work. Two jobs and as many hours as he can get between classes, as much scholarship stuff he can apply for. It means he has to keep putting top surgery on the back burner, but there's time yet.

Alex talks him through panic attacks when he feels like the world will swallow him whole because he has no future, listens to Bowie with him and holds his hand as he stares at the ceiling some weekends. They play video games in their underwear, go to Waffle House when they can steal a few hours away, and it's all the small things that help Nathan keep going.

Alex has a desk job at an engineering firm by then, and it's...

It's tough, sometimes, balancing their relationship with everything else going on.

But the day Nathan graduates with his second degree in hand, when he gets home to the apartment they've shared for the past three years, Alex drops to a knee and-

**5b.**

"Nathan Gerard Conifers, the night we met you laughed at my worst pun an' called it the best kind of humor. Y'talked aliens with me, an' you were the loveliest, goofiest punk I ever met. Seven years later an' that's still you, red hair, glasses, piercings an' all. Maybe it ain't legal yet, but make me the happiest guy ever an' marry me." Alex proposes, and he's still in his clothes from work with hair in disarray from running his hands through it, but his smile is genuine and his eyes bright.

The ring is just a gold band, nothing fancy, but Nathan cries anyways cause _fuck_.

When Alex freaks out, starts trying to comfort him and apologizing all the while for whatever he did, Nathan just laughs through his tears and says "I'm happy, y'idiot. Yes, fuckin' hell yes, Alex." He'd hit Alex lightly on the chest after calling him an idiot, hugged him after with everything he could muster.

"I love you, ya goof." Alex says softly, voice muffled by Nathan's shoulder.

"Love you too, y'nerd." Nathan replies, and his glasses are digging into his face but taking them off means letting go of Alex and he doesn't want to right now.

(This is the best day of his life.)

**6.**

Okay, correction:

The best day in his life is the day they bring Amanda home.

Their sweet Amanda Ann Conifers, because in the end Alex thought Conifers was a cooler last name than Peters and they were the Conifers family through and through.

Nine years since they met, and they have a house and a kid. Nathan can work from home with drafting at least to keep an eye on Amanda ‘til they can get her into preschool, and Alex is climbing his way up the engineering firm so now he actually gets to work on projects than just check the numbers.

The day they bring Amanda home is also scary with the fender bender that goes down, but when Alex catches his hand and says "Things will be alright,"...

Nathan believes him, with all of his heart.

(Though it should be noted he wanted Amanda to have a middle name of awesomeness, but Alex picked it for sentimental reasons and like Nathan would say no.)

**7.**

It's...

It's maybe a little embarrassing, how much he has to call up his mom and some of her friends the first few months taking care of Amanda. Like he's supposed to be super competent dad here, but he still panics when she cries (even with sunglasses on) and Alex is also at a loss as well when it happens.

Alex is the youngest of three siblings, Nathan's an only child with a big age gap between his youngest cousins, so it only makes sense to reach out. Books only tell you so much, and why not use personal connections?

Sure at some points it's a bit awkward, Nathan calling his mom at 3 AM to remind him how to change a diaper, Alex desperately pleading with his sister on how the hell to switch the crib-bed into an actual bed, but they make it work.

Amanda's first word is said in their backyard on a weekend, when Alex is working on planting some more flowers and Nathan is trimming the hedges. She's on a quilt Nathan's gram made, playing with her panda, when it happens.

It was tough, reaching this point.

But as Alex and Nathan drop everything to rush over to her, it was worth it if it meant reaching this point.

**8.**

It happens when Amanda is 8, and Nathan is staying up late to finish up the draft of an office building. He's branched out into CAD by then, so it's just him, a computer, and the paper copy rolled out as he works into the night.

When this happens he tends to talk to Alex as he drives home from work, to catch up with each other before he goes to bed by himself. Alex has been pulling extra hours with his current project, less time to see each other while they're both awake, but they make it work.

Nathan punches in Alex's number, holding it to his ear with his shoulder as he double-checks a measurement, and it rings. It just keeps ringing, long enough that it goes to voicemail, and Nathan sighs.

Sometimes Alex doesn't pick up, and that's fine. He leaves a message anyways, hoping his husband will check at the next light.

"Hey Alex. Wanted to check in, say hey. Manda's out fer the night, an' I'm wrapping up some small stuff before headin' in myself. Wanted to hear your voice, gimme a call if you can. Love you, be safe."

He leaves it at that, even if his heart sinks a little as 15 minutes, 30 minutes pass and no reply.

(Then there's the phone call that wakes him up at 3 AM that changes everything, and Amanda doesn't go to school that day.)

**9.**

The night before Amanda's first day of high school, he opens up the box in the back of his closet. Alex's name is on the side in dark purple sharpie, and he never thought he'd be cracking open the duct tape on this so soon.

It's funny in a sad way that he thinks of 6 years as too soon, but...he misses Alex even now. He still reaches over in the morning expecting to feel Alex beside him, or expects to see his high-tops in the shoe pile near the front door. Sometimes he'll find the Rush album in the glove box, only to shove it back in as his chest hurts.

But he wants to do something special for Amanda, and she's been looking at big comfy jackets recently. Just like her Dad and Father, and Alex would probably sniffle a bit in fake tears that their kid already had her shitkickers of choice picked out.

What he wants to find isn't on top, so with hands shaking he moves band t-shirts out of the way and a few button-ups. Rush, Pulp, the Pixies, Foo Fighters, the Smiths. He'd always teased Alex when he wore a Smith's shirt that there must be some kind of tragedy if he was listening to Morrissey.

Then there's the jacket, what he was looking for in the first place. A tan bomber with shiny elbows that still smelled faintly of cigarettes and Alex's aftershave of something woodsy, a Misfits patch on the right shoulder that's slightly threadbare in spots.

Amanda was definitely their kid, full of fire and passion, and if she wanted to wear her combat boots tomorrow then by god she was gonna get a jacket just as awesome to make her own.

Alex would have wanted it that way.

(Nathan goes to sleep with one of the Rush shirts clutched to his chest, and maybe he cries. The next morning Amanda is so happy when she gets the jacket, he _definitely_ cries in the parking lot after dropping her off.)

**10.**

He listens to a Rush album, Presto, for the first time in years when Amanda finds the CD in the glove box as they're pulling away from the house for one last time. He can't resist her puppy eyes, sure as hell not now when he's already emotionally compromised, so he slots it in.

"Your other dad loved these guys. The day we officially got together, he gave me his Rush patch. Still on my leather jacket." Nathan says, after a while of watching Amanda rock out with a small smile.

Like father like daughter, and the ache in his chest at the thought has been dulled by time.

"Huh, really? I thought you'd be the nerd of the two." Amanda teases, and he laughs.

"Nah, we were both nerds, sweetie. Though, y'know how I have the piercings and red hair? Used to be a punk. Black Flag, Misfits, Dead Kennedys, th'whole thing." Nathan admits, and Amanda makes an x with her hands.

"Wait wait wait, time out pops. You were a punk and I haven't seen photos yet?" Amanda demands, and he'd throw an arm around her shoulders in pride at the way her eyes narrow calculatingly but he's driving.

"Yup," he says popping the 'p', "They're in my office box but I'll dig 'em up when we unpack. If y'reach back, the CD box should be close if y'wanna hear more of the stuff we listened to."

On the way to the new house, they listen to stuff that brings Nathan back to the night he met Alex at the club, the long nights of studying for his next degree, the first few years of raising Amanda. It's bittersweet, but at the same time...

It's like a weight lifts off his shoulders as he tells Amanda more about Alex. How he could sing Boy with a Thorn in His Side from memory, how he poked fun at Nathan's love of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones like Amanda does, how he learned Velouria by ear on the guitar.

Maybe it's all music related, but besides comics it's always been music that he tied to a place and time. It'll be emotionally draining, bringing all this up on top of the move, but it's worth it for Amanda's smiles and laughter at some of his funnier stories.

(Amanda gives him a pass on the ska for today being a Dropkick Murphys fan. She also forgives his taste in metal after the story of how he helped kick some skinhead asses at a Black Flag gig with a guy who runs a record store nowadays.)

**11.**

The first night in their new house, Nathan dreams of Alex.

He looks the way he did the morning of the crash, dark brown hair starting to gray in bits and pieces, laugh lines around his brown eyes with the slightest hint of amber, the fond smile Nathan could still recall the curve of. Hell it’s even the same clothes, the jean jacket with a Smiths patch, his favorite blue work shirt, his black high tops with the red laces Amanda picked out for him.

The dream is pretty simple, just him and Alex hanging around the old house. For the first time in years, the record player is spinning again as he puts on Hatful of Hollow, and extends a hand to Nathan offering to dance.

With a smile Nathan accepts, and it's just more or less a swaying slow dance. They did this a lot, the first time they moved in together, and when they moved into the house. It's something he's missed, if Nathan's honest.

In their backyard, they sit on the porch swing holding hands watching the sun set. This has probably been the best dream of Alex he's had in a while, no fear creeping up his throat or morgues or Amanda somehow being in the same accident as the age she is now. No terror about losing both his husband and daughter at the same time, jerking awake and having to check up on Amanda to quiet his nerves.

"Nathan, I love you, so much it hurts. But it's been over ten years, and I'm fine if you move on. Just make sure Amanda knows how proud of her I'd be, and how much I loved both of you. Get her a patch for me, would you?" Alex says, smile lopsided and lovely as the day they met, and Nathan kisses him one last time.

**12.**

When he wakes up, his heart feels lighter. He makes pancakes for Amanda, gives her a great big hug, and when she asks if something wrong he says "I'm alright. Just...had a good dream. Love ya, kiddo."

It’s a brand new day.

Maybe he’ll take Amanda down to that coffee place they saw when they were driving in last night? He’d kill for a good cup of coffee, and might as well explore their new place a bit.

(That’s the day he meets Mat, but that’s a story for another time.)

**Author's Note:**

> I found myself super invested with Dream Daddy somehow when I thought it was gonna be just a goofy dating sim. Like, honestly? Amanda is totally the kid I'd raise.
> 
> I got to thinking, and this is how my Dadsona would be if you could customize it from the ground up as well as his relationship with Alex. I headcanon they met in 1991, and adopted Amanda in 2000. They're sweet doofs trying to do their best. Mat was the first dad I romanced, hence the comment at the end.
> 
> Also, the Black Flag story? One actually shared with me by a guy who runs a record store I love. Mad respect, couldn't help but include it.


End file.
